语序与句式剖析

刘老师你好，请问这句话从句子结构和语序的角度应该怎么样剖析译文的好坏，谢谢你！



日复1日地上班下班，平淡的日子便如流水一般在指缝中溜走了。早出晚归的行色匆匆也令我无暇胡思乱想。

Humdrum days flow like water through my fingers as I go on daily trips to and from work—— early departure andlate return in such a hurry that little time is left for me to indulge in fanciful thought.



日复1日地上班下班，平淡的日子便如流水一般在指缝中溜走了。早出晚归的行色匆匆也令我无暇胡思乱想。

Humdrum days flow like water through my fingers as I go on daily trips to and from work—— early departure andlate return in such a hurry that little time is left for me to indulge in fanciful thought.



网友的翻译非常不错，意思非常到位。从语言表达多元化的角度，我试着用浅显的“诗歌” 语言，翻译一下，与网友共勉。

I go to and get off work day after day,

and like running water the dull days slip away.

Early departure and late return in such a hurry,

leave me with no time to think deeply.